We have now officially started our program. We got to Gurdaspur 3 days ago, which has been quite the adventure. When getting off the airplane in Delhi and Amritsar, I remember feeling scared and unsafe with all the stares and whispers. Although I had been warned that people would look, I didn’t realize what that would actually feel like until we had arrived. I felt like a caged animal being stared at and watched all the time. I didn’t know what people were saying and felt lost despite having people taking care of Ally, Olivia and me and having people in our corner. I still didn’t know who to trust and didn’t know if people were looking out of interest or if it was because we were easy targets. Since coming to Gurdaspur, the unsettling feeling of being stared at has become a little bit more normal. I have a better understanding of what is happening and feel more like a celebrity than a target. I think this is due to the humans and also having guidance from Tanya and Chelsea. I feel much better, but I still have had times of culture shock in the past couple of days.
The first day of the official course started with us going to the nursing college and taking a tour. I think this was the first place where I felt truly safe and welcomed. The Mary Gold flowers being thrown when we walked in made me feel extra special and like a welcomed guest. I think it also makes me feel more comfortable being greeted by women. They made me feel safe, which I also feel in Canada. I feel less on edge around women. During the tour, the students’ work on the walls stood out to me. Their penmanship was amazing, and their artistic abilities were better than I could ever do. The most impactful conversation I had was around abortion and how it is treated here in comparison to Canada. I found it shocking that knowing the sex before birth had been banned due to the amount of abortions it caused. It made me feel sad for women but also interested that policies have been put in place to change the sexism. I do wonder though, how those women are being treated once they are born. Another amazing experience that stuck out to me was the friendship bracelets and the candle lighting ceremony. We don’t have any ceremony that is comparable to this in Canada, and I felt special. I think it was related to some type of religion, and it made me feel more open-minded to religion and overwhelmed with spirit. I am still going through a journey of figuring out what I believe spiritually, but this did make me feel something. I also really enjoyed going to the old folks home. I love meeting the aging population, and my friend managed to take a picture of me talking to an older woman. Despite there being a language barrier and our lack of communication I tried my best to say Sat Sri Akaal, and the woman seemed impressed. I wish I knew what she was trying to say back, but I felt a connection to her. The old folk homes and living conditions reminded me of how my grandma lived before she passed. She would eat meals with the other people living there and be in her room. It reminded me of her.
Today we had our first consent café in the same nursing college. I was kind of nervous going into it, but I feel like it went better than I expected. I have come to realize that I hate feeling dumb. I feel incredibly uncomfortable feeling like I don’t know what’s going on. I feel a pit in my stomach and fidgety. But I think this experience is pushing me to sit in that discomfort of not knowing and be okay with it. I don’t know how to speak Punjabi, and I have no idea what they are saying when the students would sometimes speak and look at me, and I would have no idea what they were saying. I tried my best to connect, and I feel like at the end they felt more comfortable with me, which I really enjoyed. It felt good to make connections and make them laugh and smile when possible, even when talking about some difficult topics. They taught me a lot about arranged marriages, and they asked me what I thought about them. I don’t think I would ever consider an arranged marriage, but I see the appeal and why they are common here. It was nice to hear how things have changed a little bit and that, despite arranged marriages still existing, people have more time to get to know the person before they must commit. I think that I definitely had a negative understanding of arranged marriages before, which seems to be common among Western people. They value love marriages more, but I think that arranged marriages are just a different way to do things that aren’t necessarily bad.
Overall, my first couple of days in India have been trying and overwhelming, but had had some amazing experiences in getting to connect with students and older people and learning from them. I am excited to continue and see what else I can learn