One thing I have learned about myself during this trip is that I can get through things even when they feel really overwhelming in the moment. There have been a few times throughout the trip where my anxiety has gotten the best of me, and I have had a few panic attacks. Being so far away from home, in a completely different environment, and constantly experiencing new things has definitely pushed me outside of my comfort zone. There have been moments where everything has just felt like a lot at once.
At first, I think I was a little disappointed in myself for feeling so anxious. This is an experience that I was so excited and grateful to be part of, so part of me felt like I should just be enjoying every second of it. But I’ve realized that I can be grateful for this experience and still find parts of it difficult. Having anxiety during the trip doesn’t take away from all of the amazing experiences I’ve had or everything I’ve accomplished while being here.
I’m actually really proud of myself for continuing through those difficult moments. There were times when I felt overwhelmed and wanted the comfort of being at home, but I got through them. Sometimes that meant taking a little bit of time for myself, talking to someone on the team, or just reminding myself that the feeling would eventually pass. Every time it did, I felt a little more confident that I could handle the next difficult moment too.
I think this has also taught me something important for my social work practice. It’s easy to tell someone else that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or that asking for support is a strength, but it’s different having to actually apply that to myself. This experience has reminded me that people can be struggling and still be incredibly capable. Someone having a difficult moment doesn’t mean they aren’t making progress or that they can’t handle what they’re facing. Sometimes getting through that moment is the progress.
Looking back at how nervous I was before coming to India, I’m proud of how much I’ve pushed myself. I travelled here on my own, adjusted to a completely different environment, met so many new people, facilitated Consent Cafés, dealt with unexpected situations, and kept going even on the days when my anxiety was really high. I don’t think this trip has made my anxiety magically disappear, but it has shown me that I’m stronger than I sometimes give myself credit for. I can feel anxious, ask for support when I need it, and still keep moving forward. I think that’s something I’ll carry with me long after I go home.